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Hyperbowling STRIKES Back - 2018

Michaelmas week 6, day 6. The annual bowling trip has become to Catz mathmos what can only be described as a sacred pilgrimage to the beating heart of Cambridge entertainment. People take on alternate personalities upon entering the alley, and each year a few lucky mathmos are graced by the ability to throw a heavy ball in a straight line whilst the rest look on in bewilderment. In later years, they too will be surprised by their hidden one-time talent and wonder what happened. We can only suspect that Irena blessed them in someway upon admission.

As Hyperbolics president it is my duty to take a factual record of the events of the night and cement them into history forever via this article. May future Catz mathmos aspire to do as well as we did.

This year we had the best turnout in recorded history, with a total of 22 mathmos participating. This included 6 first years, 7 second years, 1 third year (...), 6 PhD's, 1 ex-Catz mathmo (bowling is that good) and the assistant DoS. Everyone arrived on time to the bowling alley although due to extra people booking on late and the president being unable to count, we only had enough spaces for 20 people. Luckily some of the second years paired up, presumably so that they could blame one enough for their bad scores (thanks to Cameron, Isabella, Raafay and Joe. May your names forever be remembered).

Then the bowling commenced. Dave Baker (bowling name: "Old Dave") started incredibly strong, scoring a grand total of 143 in his first game. Despite saying that he had never done this well before, we suspect that being an 8th year and so having (hyper)bowled many times before gave him an unfair advantage.

Old Dave about to get another strike.

On the adjacent lane a fierce battle was occuring between Hyperbolics secretary/treasure Matt Wearden and first year Mark Roberts. Despite being inexperienced at the art of hyperbowling, Mark put up an impressive display, scoring 120. However in the last bowl, Matt overtook and ended with 124. Despite being so young Mark has shown immense promise, and we look forward to watching him grow over the years and seeing what he will accomplish. He is a mathmo to watch out for or else he'll steal your alphas.

Whilst many were successful in their first game, many were unsuccessful. Callum Watson (bowling name: "Fluids") only managed to score a measly 52 in his first game. I mean, some Trinmo's can get more than that on a single tripos question(!). We imagine this low score was because Callum ditched hyperbowling last year and so was inexperienced in the art.

Moreover by some freaky kind of invariance of the name "Callum", first year Callum Nicholas continued this tend and only managed to snag a total of 50 pins in the first game. There is however an explanation, as Callum was recovering for a robbery. It was brought to the attention of the president that Callum had been trying to acquire 20p to purchase some delicious jelly beans, only to have the machine not give him any in return. Incredibly, when he approached the bowling staff he managed to sweet talk them into giving up another 20p, which he then immediately put in the same machine and once again got nothing back. So to avoid a horrible cycle in which Callum would use up his entire student loan on the same machine, the president went to a different machine and acquired some jelly beans, bringing the cycle to an end.

He could be a mascot for mathmos all over the world.

Once the second game started, the second years got out of hand. Leo dabbed everywhere and then disappeared. Joe, who decided sandals were the best attire to go bowling in (although the Christmas jumper was great) started encouraging his fellow IB's to throw multiple balls down the alley at once. I believe this only decreased the number of points scored. Perhaps someone can show that this is true in general (I shall leave that as an exercise, or to be looked up in a large book of bookwork you may know about).

Scared that he was going to lose, Joe then tried to sabotage Isabella by throwing a ball down her lane after she bowled. Enraged by this Isy then managed to push Joe when he was bowling, and since sandals have no grip Joe almost flew down the bowling alley himself. Luckily Isy took pity on Joe and so no trip to Addenbrookes was necessary.

Joe takes a tumble.

Cameron also didn't wear the Christmas jumper that Joe got for him. Boo.

Whilst all of the commotion was occuring, ex-Catz mathmo Ben (bowling name: "Longboy") had been practicing hard. Suddenly he had got a turkey (although I feel this should have a hyperbowling name, like "an Irena" or something) and he had his eyes fixed on beating Old Dave's 143. It came to the final bowl and all he needed was to get 4 down. However the pressure of scoring the highest recorded hyperbowling score was too much, and he only got 1(...) which meant he ended on 138.

I'm not sure that is allowed.

So all in all, this years highest scores where: Dave Baker (143), Ben Donaldson (138), Matthew Wearden (124) and Mark Roberts (120). This years lowest scorers were (from what I remember) Callum Watson (50), Callum Nicholas (50), Callum Watson (again!) (52) and George Watson (55). From this we can conclude that if you share a name with Callum Watson, you better practice your bowling.

It's a thumbs (or more accurately, left-hand rule) up from the first years!

Finally, I thank everyone for coming and making the event as good as it was, and I hope you all had a good time. Congratulations those of you who have now made it onto the Hyperbolics website.

Paul Minter (Hyperbolics President 2018-2019)

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